Problems Conceiving
When I think back on all the times when I was younger (much younger) that I was 'late' and I prayed to the dear lord above (the only time I prayed.....no wait I'm wrong, I also prayed that my mother wouldn't be able to tell that I was stoned) to 'make it go away' I laugh. If I only knew then what I know now (I'd probably make the same mistakes). I wasn't fast and loose like some of the girls but I did exercise some pretty poor judgement when it came to men or should I say boys. My mother always used to say if you have sex with boys they'll never call....well my phone never stopped ringing.
Now, I have one biological child and we're in the process of adopting. I'm still young enough to conceive my last name isn't Spears but I'm still young enough. However, it's not happening. Much to my frustration, I'm not the one with the problem, my husband just won't deal with it. He acts like we have all the time in the world.....but we don't. Just in case you're wondering, yes I've been checked out (from stem to stern, it's a lovely process) and it's not me...it's us...but us won't deal with it. It's the only time I've ever heard the word no come out of that man's mouth when I've asked him for something. He's generally too afraid to say no to me about anything but on this subject he's intractable.
Today, we were at an after school playdate when one of the moms said she just found out she's pregnant. I said congratulations and I am genuinely happy for her. She's a sweetheart and a great parent, we love her son. But I'm ashamed to admit that within minutes of her announcement I felt an enormous wave of jealousy wash over me followed by general pissiness. I felt like a failure and then I found myself snapping at Lily for being clingy. I kept saying to her, "Give mommy some space for goodness sake!"
Today I went from mean mommy to pissy mommy.
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Ok ,CALM DOWN. Have you tried going on the pill for 3 months then stopping? Maybe your system is screwed up. Even if doctors tell you your fine, sometimes you need a re-boot. I was on the ring with my 2nd, got an infection, was given antibiotics (the kind that don't mix well with birth control} and now I have a 2 yr old. Stress ...big ..big factor. Are you relaxed, are you happy(I mean you as a couple) now I am going to ask you to e mail me because there was a study done on a certain "performance /service" that was done by females to their partners that was benificial to the female body in terms of their body no t rejecting their hubands essence. Does that make sense?Finally I have to ask ,If your Career is taking off, and you hate nannnes, why would you want another child? Sweetheart ,I am not judging , just asking, who will be raising this child? Could that be a stresser? Just stop and listen to what your mind and body can give .We are late 30's -not a lot of energy. Why do you think you NEED another baby? With a new career , (which requires travel) why would you retract your time that you have with LILY ,who is here, and spend it with a fictitious child, that you might not have time for? Hey, we all get bit by the baby bug , some time after our last one hits two years old but...CAN WE GIVE BACK TO THE NEXT CHILD? OR WILL THEY BE LEFT WITH STRANGERS WHILE WE DO ARE OWN THING, JUST SO WE CAN SAY WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN.(not picking on you just wondering what the thought is on this).0000000000000000000000000000000000
I absolutely relate to your general pissiness. We tried for four years and finally had our daughter via IVF. Fertility issues are heartbreaking, and I truly don't think anyone can understand that until they've experienced it themselves. Kudos to you for working to expand your family through adoption. It's not HOW that little angel gets to you that matters -- just that he/she DOES get to you. Best of luck!