I cannot believe this. This is crazy. He should be reported. Why should we not have careers when we have kids??

people with no children i am sure get sick and have to miss days off work.

you had all the qualifications and this is the way you were treated. its a disgrace. But you know what his such a narrow minded pig he would probably turn out to be horrible boss!!
dont give up i am sure they all not like that

I would have politely stated that I had nothing that would prevent me from doing the job he required (perhaps then turned it around and asked with interest "oh, do YOU have kids?") ... and after I left I would have sent a polite follow up note stating that I don't believe his business would be a good fit for my career goals.

Then I would have told all of my female friends that this company isn't mom-friendly and do not apply! From what it sounds like, it isn't DAD friendly either because what does he expect from dads???

If this guy has a supervisor or if the co. has an HR dept., let them know about his behavior. File a complaint with the EEOC!

As an HR professional, I am outraged by such a question. It is illegal to ask that question. I would report him to the head of HR and report the company to the EEOC. Companies have no right to ask personal questions or draw conclusions about one's ability to perform the job. The right question to ask have been is asked for the hiring manager to describe the requirements of the job - possible late hours, weekend work, etc... and asking would you be able to fullfill the requirements of the job?' That is it.

I do not have any children but I sure as heck plan to one day, and if anyone said that to me I would have gone straight to HR and the EEOC!!!! and gotten his butt fired! Hang in there girl God will take care of that man, and you!!!!

What a creep... It's probably better that you not have gotten the job anyhow if the boss is narrow-minded. How long had the guy been working there himself? If he's been there for a long time, then the other people who work there probably share the same ideas regarding work and families, which wouldn't have worked your favor, either.
If you do report him, don't angle to get him fired, even if it will make you feel better... His narrow-mindedness is it's own punishment. What a shame.

I would report him. After reading this, I am so thankful to work in a profession (teaching) where this is not such an issue. My prinicpal is very understanding, and he works with teachers who are pregnant or trying to conceive to ensure that their class schedules will work with the pregnancy.

I know how you feel about careers and children. Women can have them both, and it's high time society accepts that notion.

Please report this unlawful discrimination. It takes one person to be an activist, and others will back you up. Check out www.MomsRising.org for more information, the main topic right now is Maternal Discrimination. It is against the law, and you should help protect the next woman in line for an interview by reporting this jerk.

File a complaint! You probably don't want to work for him anyway because he sounds like a real "Butt-Hole", but he shouldn't get away with it. There are laws.

Fortunately, you sound like someone who has choices; but there may be that Mom out there who doesn't and who really needs the job.

And I pray that he doesn't have children. Can you imagine the kind of negative impression he would make them especially his daughters?

First of all please read no further if you are single mother and must work. In that case I totaly understand why you are angry.

However if you are not a single mother and do not need to work then do you really think that you are doing the best that you can to give your children what you really need? Children need their mothers and need them at home especially when they are young. In school or not. Feminism has gone too far. There is a reason why women aren't paid the same as men, it's because there really is no place for them in corporate america. Like I said in the begining if you are single mom then obviously you have to try and make a place for yourself in in corporate america. But really what are we doing for our children by working more a spending time with them less, by sending them off for other people to take of them? Do you even really know your children?

Amy

I am a retired banker and I can assure anyone that I NEVER neglected my job or my children. I feel my children benefitted from my working. They learned to help and take responsibility for many jobs that I would have done for them had I been home. While I felt guilty when they were small( it was the PC thing to feel at the time)now I know they also gained from my employment. I once had a boss who looked down on female employees. He was not a pleasant person.

I am a mother for two with another one on the way, I am also a Labor and Employment attorney. This kind of behavior is a direct violation of the law and you should not stand by and think it is appropriate. Seek legal counsel. How dare you, Amy, comment that women have no place in corporate america. Women have been getting short changed for many years and comments from women like Amy keep us in the same jobs but lower pay!! You have a right to stay home and raise your family and you have a right to work! Your choice! Only you and your family needs (financial or not) can make that determination. Good luck in your job hunt. Don't be afraid to answer truthfully - tell future employers that your work record should speak for itself if they have any concerns about your competency to do the job.

Before I state my opinion, and IT'S JUST MY OPINION, PEOPLE! I feel like I have to say, that before I decided to stay at home with my kids I was in a non traditional profession that was well paying and I have a university degree.

Now, in the real world I can see why employers would be concerned. Yeah, it's not fair, and those are questions that shouldn't be asked, but I would want employees that don't have kids and obligations working for me, too. When I was still working I saw it all the time: the ones willing to put in the time got the perks. My husband says he still sees it. I would love to see more companies that are family oriented, (and they are out there, I check for them here in Canada).

But, you know, it's maddening, and frustrating, and pathetic, but it's the reality. I guess it's all about baby steps.

While I think his behavior was uncalled for and yes, illegal, I must agree why any employer would be concerned. Please don't hate me...lol, but as a woman with no children, I'm outraged as well...however, I am a person who does see Both sides of the fence. Since I DON'T have children, I often take the slack for the people who do. Countless times, mothers have to leave work and attend to their sick children, pick them up from school, etc. And all the while, the office is booming and those left behind have triple the work...which I don't think is fair either. So I do agree that the man who interviewed you was harsh, but at the same time, I clearly understand his concerns as well. His concerns...not his behavior.

I am a childless woman.

You women who choose to have children and then return to the workforce while they are very young make us who work alongside you take up your slack when they are sick or need your attention. That has been my experience, and my co- workers. That is the cold hard fact. We childless workers can dedicate longer hours and more energy to our job/profession because we don't have to dedicate it to our child/ren. That's another cold hard fact. Why shouldn't an employer be allowed to ask if you have a child? I think it would be equivalent to asking you about sick time. How reliable are you? Can I count on you? Or are you going to be running after your kids constantly so I'm going to have my other staff covering your butt constantly? Come on, people.

I mean, seriously, why should I have to pick up your work load because you have to run to your daycare and then home because your kid is sick? I feel bad for your kid because s/he's not feeling well, but why should my work load increase? Either have an in home nanny or stay at home yourself while your kids are at stay at home age. I'm sorry, but if it's your choice to have children, then you and your husband need to make those hard decisions before you actually bring them into the world so we at your workplace don't suffer because of those decisions you make.

Mel, ignorance and narrow-mindedness is all that was reflected from your post. You are stereotyping. If I said there are many people in this world that do not have children, but still refuse to work overtime and "slack" at the work place, then followed up by saying it is a "cold hard fact", I think you would argue. Now, it isn't a fact that all women who work do not have the ability to be mothers. I'm a woman in the military; I think I put in more hours than you will ever see. I travel, for months at a time, experience things you would never see in the office and I might add that there are men, fathers, that do the same. My parents were military, and I had the best upbringing a child could wish for, despite WORKING PARENTS. How in the world did your parents raise you? What if they were denied work because of your existence. That said, realize that there a people without children, like I mentioned earlier, that lag around at work for no reason, and in the case of an emergency, yes, a parent would need to resolve it, but they work hard because they have mouths to feed and they wouldn't jeopardize that. People should be hired do to experience and work habits, not sex, religion, parental status, or things of that nature.

FYI, I am a mother, a GRANDMOTHER. I have successfully raised a daughter to is also a working mother, pursuing her Masters and I'm a leader in the U.S. Navy. Who's slacking?

I can't believe some of these comments. How in the world, as a women, can some of you side with this pig? We've been brought down enough, we don't need to bring down each other. If the woman has kids, it would sense that she gets a job, she has mouths to feed! My mother works - two jobs actually, one on the weekdays and one on the weekend. My grandmother's home to greet me when I get home. My mom comes home about 5 or 6 p.m. I grew up just fine. She's always there for me. And if I am screwed up, it wouldn't be because my mom worked its because my father left us. So if she didn't work, we'd be homeless. So get off your high horse. You don't know anything about the woman. (Oh and my mother's only missed about three days from her job.)

You should definitely report that pig.
I also have a child and felt discriminated at times, even fired once. But I am glad to see the society is moving into the right direction. In the past I hid my child as much as possible. If I needed to go home because he was sick, I would say I was sick, or I would give a different reason. Never mentioned the child, like he didn't exist. Now I changed and tell everyone the truth in their face and I don't care. It is easier since I am an (untenured) professor and do not have a "direct" boss, but a committee will vote on my performance in a couple of years. Childless people may have the ability to put in more hours, However, I very often see them chatting all day long at the office, or browsing the internet, or needing to go play sports or meet with friend, or whatever they do out of work. Not having children doesn't necessarily make you a better employee. And anyway, why should someone, parent or not, spend all his life in the office, nights, weekends, holidays? Even when I didn't have children, I also wanted to have a life.

I have a couple of stories about discrimination. When I was a pregnant graduate student,I had a couple of sexist in the department who treated me the whole time like I was stupid, just because I was pregnant. Later, I applied for a job when my son was 2 years old. The boss didn't ask about children at the interview. I was extremely confident during the interview and he hired me. I think he, for some reason, assumed I didn't have children. However, when I started the job, and it so happenned that I told him about my son, his face instantly turned green. Didn't say anything, but after 3 months he decided he didn't have the funding to support my position anymore. I was on an working visa, and applied for permanent residency, based on my job. If I lost my job, my permanent residency application would have been denied and I would have to leave the country. During one interview in trying to find a new job I was asked, first question after "hi" and shaking hands: DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? It was a woman. I answered: "Oh, it is so hard to raise children these days"... She took it as a NO and went on to make demeaning comments about preganant women. I decided I will not accept this job no matter what. So I sent my son overseas, in Europe, and finally got another job, 2000 miles from my husband, where I had the most awful time of my life, because of my family being shattered. I didn't keep my son with me for fear I would lose the next job too, and with it my residency and the years of hard work I put in for it. My new boss never knew I had a son. I worked nights (literally nights, from 8am until 5am next day)and weekends, but that wasn't a life I could sustain for long. DAILY headaches, insomnia, elevated blood pressure, my hair started to fall off. Luckily, after only 10 months I was able to land a professor job, had the residency approved and get my family back. But I only have one child and will remain with one child probably, although I wanted more.
In terms of motherhood, I had working parents and never imagined it any other way. Staying home wasn't an option for this reason and also for legal and financial reasons (couldn't stay in the US and not work, with a graduate student husband). I think it is beneficial for children to see that BOTH parents work hard and are responsible.

Hello Ladies,

Read hundreds of more stories like this one in the "maternal profiling" blog within the following site. I encourage you to join the effort to stop "maternal profiling"!!!!!

http://www.momsrising.org/node/710

TO MEL:

I really don't think when it comes to whether a woman wants to bring a child into this world that she needs to consider her co-workers. That is the most idiotic, narrow-minded, selfish comment I have ever read. Heaven forbid you have to get off your butt and actually do some work. Oh poor little Mel. Sorry sweetheart!!! This world does NOT revolve around YOU. And THAT is a Cold Hard Fact. I bet the reason you're a childless woman is that no man would dare be with a woman as ignorant as you.

Incredible. Mel seems to have made her post at 11:32am on a Friday. Unless you're in a different timezone, or not working a standard 9 to 5, it seems like someone here is a pot calling the kettle black.

Mel:

Your attitude puts us back, as a nation (not as "women") into the 1950s. You should be ashamed of yourself, for swallowing the poison that has been fed to you, letting you believe that parents are slacking off. I work harder than many of my colleagues, and I am the one with a kid. Yes, some people will use any excuse to slack off - but they would use kids, asthma, the weather, the commute - ANYTHING to slack off. Don't blame all parents for losers who use their kids to hide a shoddy work product. And god forbid if you ever have kids or need to care for a sick loved one (a parent, a spouse, etc.), because your attitude will pay you back. Karma's a bitch and we all love her.

I am absolutely appalled at some of the posts to this question. The employer was clearly at fault for even asking the question and should be reported. And to the women criticizing working moms, all I have to say is HOW DARE YOU! You don't know the circumstances. I can say, as a working mother, my son benefits from my working in more than just monetary ways. He goes to a small daycare where he has friends to play with and is a happy well adjusted little boy -- NOT THAT I NEED TO JUSTIFY MY CHOICES TO ANYONE! If you have children and feel that it is necessary to stay home with them, then do so! But don't judge someone else's choices until you are in their situation. Every family dynamic is different and what works for one family, does not work for another. Kudos to all the working moms out there who manage to juggle everything. And for the record, there are plenty of slackers who do not have children. I would say that the parents who are slacking on the job, probably were also slackers before they had children!

If we continually argue -- woman to woman -- about what is right for a mother to do (work or stay home), we will never change this country into a place that has work-life balance. When working mothers and fathers work the system to have both a life and a job, working childless folks reap the benefits. Do a little research on Best Buy corporate offices, and you'll see that because highly talented women were leaving the workplace because of lack of flexibility, the entire corporate culture changed to be one of flexibility for ALL employees.

Let's stop the bickering among us women...and let's do something to change Corporate America so that we all don't work ourselves to death.

I am appalled at some of the replies here. First, I really hope that this interviewer was reported. It is illegal to ask and there is no business of his.
Second, I have been on both sides.. with and without children in the working arena. And there are slackers that don't have kids btw.... so let's not blame it on the kids.
I am a working mother and quite frankly I am damn proud of it. Those of you who stay home, I admire you greatly. I really do. I do not look down upon you, and I only ask the same in return.
For those of you who said above about women do not belong in the workplace and deserve to be paid lower wages.. wow.. you need to seek help for the brainwashing from the 1950's. Women have equal rights in this country, and they deserve it.
Not only am I a working mother, but I am able to keep a social life and a clean house.. and my child is a very happy, well adjusted one.

I am just in awe of those women who believe that a woman's place is in the home...

I have made an effort to not use my kids as a reason to take advantage of time off, and in my experience, most mothers I have worked with have been the same for the most part. I have earned sick time and vacation time and, fortunatly, my kids are pretty healthy. But when I do take time off for them, it is earned time off - the same as the others get. Besides, at least I don't call off or come in late because of the hangovers and late nights! Do the bosses ask what your social schedule is like before hiring? Quite honestly, I think that angle is worked more than the kids!

I cannot believe anyone would uphold this man's behaviour. I have one child and many of my male colleagues have small children. I find that they can regularly take time off work to tend to their sick children/pick up from school inthe afternoon etc but female colleagues can't because it is commented on. I have said I'm bringing the cat to the vet rather than my daughter to the doctor because it is more readily acceptable. I always catch up with my work by dialling in from home when shes gone to bed. I find that since becoming a mother my time management is at a premium, I do not waste 15 mins in the canteen having coffee or chatting, I take 30 min lunch break and ensure I am in the office v early so I can leave at 5. I see smokers in work who take loads of smoking breaks, coffee and lunch breaks and their time utilisation is very low.
Mel sounds very bitter about her lot in life and is lashing out at working mothers, remember Mel, the next generation will pay taxes and keep society going while you are in old age, those of working mothers and fathers have great examples of how to be productive members of society.

I am appalled at some of the comments that reference a woman's place as permanently at home, cooking, cleaning, barefoot and pregnant. I am a single mother and have had no option but to work. I support my family by myself and my children are proud of me for it. I have a 3 and 4 year old. Yes, there are times when I am required to leave the office to tend to my children; but is this any different from the childless person that calls off work for every cold or to go shopping? I've noticed that a lot of my childless co-workers seem to take more time off work than I do. I have made the sacrifice of not taking vacation time, so that when my kids do get sick I am entitled to the time off. This is the responsible thing to do. I chose to have children and I should not push my work onto someone else.

As for my children, we spend lots of quality time together after work. My kids tell me how proud they are of me and smile and get excited when we pass Mommy's work on the highway. What better role model could my daughters have than to see a strong, independent woman making her way in the world? I want to teach my daughters that there is more to life and to them than finding a husband and bearing his children. They have a right to a life, to their own experiences, and to pursue what ever makes them happy.

This is still a very discriminatory practice against women with children. What about men with children? Are they not required to care for their children ever? Would they never have to take a day off for a t-ball game or a sick kid? It is unfair and quite illegal for an employer to ask such a question. Either you can or you can't do the job. This includes you ability to juggle work and family.

I have lived on both sides of the fence. I chose not to have children until my mid 30's. It is true that working mother's need more flexibility and probably miss more work than their non childbearing counterparts. Before having kids, I worked for many years picking up the slack when mommies had to leave early, or called in sick due to a school cancellation or various school functions. It was tough, and I was angry about it at the time. But now I have my own children, and I get it now. I am currently a stay at home mom as my children are not in school yet. But I do plan to go back to work when they get older and I promise to be more accomadating to other working moms so we can help each other out.
What this guy did was rude and illegal. However, I do see his point. He has a business to run, and that's a fair argument to make. But each individual has different circumstances. For example, my sister is a working mother of 3 kids, but she rarely misses work. She happens to live around most of her family, grandparents included. They are the ones who pick up her kids when the need arises.
Who knows, maybe this woman has a nanny or a neighbor willing to help her in in those sticky situations and she would not have missed as much work as he thought. He judged her simply based on the fact that she pro-created and that's not fair.

let my just say that if he broke the law he should be reported. I am a stay at home mom by choice. I grew up with a mom that had to work and my dad stayed home with me so I had a parent that was actually raising me. I was much closer to my dad because of that fact. I think that any employer had a right to ask for any things that take your attention away from your job whether it be family problems spouse or children. The specific question into one's private life is uncalled for. When asked if anything is going to distract you from your job most women can I believe truthfully answer that no it will not. I also believe that being a mother is the greatest job in the the world and the most skill building task you can ever undertake.
Mothers make the best employees as long as the work hours and home hours are balanced. I have friends that work just a few hours and some that work much more, and have seen how being unbalance can affect work and home. Our children are young only once. If your employer gives you a hard time remind of how much benefits they from your experiences as a mother. I think that more women should stay home more but only you can decide what is best for you and your children.

Wow, I cannot believe the comments from Lisa and Mel. Seriously, what year is it? I am a working mother who works full-time. Let's be smart here about the additional benefits of remaining in the workforce. My family is on my health insurance. My family's future is benefiting from my 403b and the assurance that we will be self-reliant in the future. My career affords me a life insurance policy, again so my family can be self-reliant.

More importantly my 4-year old daughter knows that she is my priority and comes first, but that her parents have other responsibilities outside the home. When I am with my daughter, I am exclusively with my daughter. This time is also spent as a family, since my husband does not have to work excessive hours and is at home. He also spends quality time with his child; isn't that important too? I am not dragging her on errands or having her plopped in front of the TV. She has been in daycare/school since she was 12 weeks old. I nursed her for 7 months (until she had enough) and worked that into my work schedule. I rarely utilize my lunch hour and when I do it is to run errands for the family, which get done much more quickly when I am solo.

My daughter has formed secure friendships and relationships at her school. She has quality structured time, nap time, nutritious meals and an unhurried schedule once at school. I have many friends who have stayed at home full-time to raise their children and I think this is wonderful. These same friends often talk about how their brains just do not do the critical thinking that they once did. Is this a benefit when raising our future? Oddly enough most of these same families have people who clean their homes. My husband and I work this task into our weekend in teaching our daughter the responsibility of running a household.

Every family is different and finds it's way to best function. Why should we judge others? Why does there have to be a right way and a wrong way? Why is it that we Moms who work often are the ones who also are more open-minded about the choices that other families make? I, for one, feel fortunate that I am able to provide for my family and am also able to teach my daughter about responsibility and about being a strong (& sensitive) working mother. She knows who her Mom is and knows that I will be there for her no matter what...isn't that what is important?

That employer should definitely be reported; what a pig!

You have got to be kidding me!!! This man should be fired from his job!!! Do you think any of his other employees are parents?? If so does he believe that they need to step down from their positions as well? He better be careful or he may find a mass exodus when he announces he doesnt want any parents working for him. If my employer didnt want any working mothers about 95% of our staff would have to leave. This guy is CRAZY!

You have got to be kidding me!!! This man should be fired from his job!!! Do you think any of his other employees are parents?? If so does he believe that they need to step down from their positions as well? He better be careful or he may find a mass exodus when he announces he doesnt want any parents working for him. If my employer didnt want any working mothers about 95% of our staff would have to leave. This guy is CRAZY!

well I have read all the comments and believe it or not I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own belief. I have been a stay at home mom and a working Mother. I for one believe I am an all around better mother when I am working. Money is less of an issue which lowers the stress in my home and not to mention I spend quality time with my kids now instead of quanity. I love being a Mom and I love working. I have had to leave work because of my kids being sick or hurt, but I do not leave work more my then my fellow coworkers. I am sadden to hear that people believe I would put less effort into my work because I am a Mother. Shame on you for that. Your work ethic is just that regardless if you are a parent or not.

Not getting a job because you are a Mother is just not right. Keep looking you will find a job that will be great for you and your family.

I work, I have an in home nanny and I've worked hard to get where I am. I am a mother, it's the GREATEST thing in the world and I would never change it. But I truly enjoy my job as well. I think that it makes me a better mom to have some outside interest. The time that I spend with my children is wonderful, we play, we laugh, we have a lot of fun. My boss is very supportive and he once told me that when I have children I would learn better time management, I would learn how to do the same amount of work in less time. I laughed at him then because I thought there was no way I could be more efficient, but he was right. I do my job, but I am quicker and more efficient now because when I am done I get to spend more time with my kids. So, are my kids suffering because I work...I don't think so! They are very happy and smart kids.

I hope that all of you that have posted who do not have kids and are being hard on working moms never have a sick parent that you have to take time off of work to care for. There are things in all of our lives that take time away from work and from our family, learning how to deal with it effectively is the challenge.

I wish you all the best. For the working mom, if you are happy, then you should work and be treated fairly. For the childless women, I hope that you find some peace to let go of your anger. We are all women and we should be helping each other. Rather than ridiculing each other.

As a mother of an infant, and a business owner - I have been on all 3 sides.

Having someone work for me telling me that she cannot work so many of her scheduled days because it's a school day off or closing my store early because her kid was sick in the nurse's office (during a big sale by the way). Or being told that while I was off and out of town at a business function, she didn't open my store because her daughter had a fever. --- These kinds of things can ruin and close a business. Customers get really pissed when it seems like everytime they go to the shop, we are closed without warning or notice during regular hours - they will eventually stop coming.

On the other side, I have been the co-worker picking up the slack, extra work on an important deadline - but sometimes it was a childless worker who caused the issues - and don't forget: hangovers, slackers-in-general, the dumb guy who has the job because he knows someone.....it's not always the mom.

Now I have a child, she comes to work with me. I am the boss, I can do that - but at the end of the day, my work is complete. I do everything I need to do, including the same responsiblitites that I would give to the person working in the store when I am not there. I find a way to nurse my daughter, run my store, be a cashier, pay the bills, be the cleaning girl, call vendors, calm customers - whatever is needed - and I don't miss a beat with my daughter or my husband - both are well fed, home cooked meals - their clothes are clean and we are happy.

We all have to remember that there are all sides. What that man did was wrong - you can be a mom and still do everything else there is to do, women have been doing it for years. Some women have great support systems too (grandma, neighbor, friend, sister, inlaws, whatever) He should be reported. But at the same time, without causing controversy, we should all remember each side to this triangle.

I don't think you want to work for a guy like this - with or without children. He doesn't sound like he would be a good manager to have. I think he has little respect for people in general.

I also think these type of people are in the minority.

It all comes down to balance.

Good luck!

It is becoming the age old debate, to stay at home or work. I am a director of a high quality childcare/preschool center in NJ. We have children enrolled that have parents that both work and one that does not (including some dads) I don't see many differences in the children that have opposite situations. I am a working parent and I see both sides of the debate. What I do know is that every family is different and what works for them may not work for another. Working women have a lot offer the work force, they add a different dimension to many coporations, not too mention the many wonderful women in the teaching profession! Women add ideas and passion that sometimes men don't have. I agree with any women's decision.

There are as many opinions on this subject as there are women in the world. To debate who is right and who is wrong would be pointless. I am now a stay-at-home mother to two children under the age of three years old. I consider myself to be fairly liberated, but can say, without a doubt, that I could not allow anyone else to care for my children during this young, tender age. For me, it was NEVER an option to return to work and place them in daycare; that is the main reason my husband and I waited seven years to become parents.

I can also say, as a former, childless event planner/fundraiser, that I worked longer hours in the office while those with children came in late or sped home at the stroke of five to drop off/pick up their children from daycare. I boarded many an early morning business flight alone, as a co-worker couldn't make it the airport due to childcare issues. I also attended many after-hours dinners/business events for the same reasons.

It is a fact that children place new restrictions on your schedule/lifestyle. As a stay-at-home mother, I don't do anything, including use the bathroom, without working around the kids. Working mothers certainly must have similar issues. While the prospective boss in the above article did not legally have the right to ask such a question, I believe his concerns, nonetheless, are valid. While I realize that it may not have been "politically correct," I also realize that reality doesn't always figure into what is considered PC.

Wow! I was just as shocked that he truly came right out and asked you that question and I too would recommend reporting him.

As for staying at home or going out to work: that is such a personal decision as it is to choose whether you want to breast feed or bottle feed. Why do people always needs to jump into judgment based on our own personal decisions - for whatever the reason may be. Meaning if it is a necessity or a choice to go out and work, so be it. It is one's personal decision. People sometimes put a stigma on what makes one a good or not as good of a mother.

Realistically, what makes one a good mother is not whether or not you choose to stay home. Staying home with your children does not neceessarily make you a good mother. Going out to work to make ends meet and help with the support your family does not make one a bad mother. It's the quality time, the morals and values we teach them, the examples we give them to teach them how to grow up and be responsible adults. I have been on both ends: I had to go work when they were younger and then was able to stay home as they got older. That is just how it worked for me personally. But regardless, my daughters have been taught the same values and morals and I have done my best with them whether I was working full time or at home.

I plan on returning to work. It is a choice as well as a necessity. I feel I am a great mother and my daughters are well adjusted and respectable young ladies. Please - let's support each other with our choices instead of squashing the decisions we make in lives. How many mothers stay at home and are still lousy mothers and housekeepers..... it's not the staying home that helps the children - is what us as mothers do as a parent.

I am a working mom and this would have been an awful way to finish an interview. In the moment I would probably have been broken down by that comment but standing away from it, it seems to be a ridiculous notion. I love in California and to think that our family, with only one child, could survive on one income is crazy! I have to work, my husband has to work and we don't even have to pay full time daycare right now, which takes up about as much of our money as our Mortgage! However, I chose a career that is child friendly, I work in a school, and therefore I am able to take the time to be with my child on her vacations and on the weekends. With that in mind, even my job is not completely child friendly! I struggle to balance my personal life and work life, not give my whole self to my students at school who expect my help and lose the time with my daughter who wants and needs me. I have found that I must make some allowances to be able to balance both but I have also had to make sure my boss and colleagues are on board with this plan as well. If you are going to interviews and receiving this type of reception from you prospective employer, not only is he out of line, he is also not the type of person you want to work for. Just like some employers are open to your pets, so to do they need to be open to your children and family. In order for US (people in general) to survive in this economically based world WE (women) must work and therefore the working world needs to conform to us because without children there will be no more employees for these jobs! Anyway, I am sorry that you experienced this type of sexism and I hope that you are able to find a better fit job for yourself! Good Luck...

The people that say the corporate workforce is not for women are retrogressing the advancement the world has made. They are also insulting people who have fought over equal rights opportunity issues. Are you trying to say that only girls that choose to have children in the future should get education? Should the world be full of illiterate women then? I choose to continue being a working mum not because my family will not survive without my income, but because it is fulfilling to me. I have a BSc and Masters and will not throw that away because I have children. Actually, I have spent more time as a stay at home mum that otherwise, and I have found out that I'm actually a better mum when I'm working. I'm able to discipline my child better and she doesnt watch as much TV. The fact that i stay at home also doesnt mean that my child will not go to school and mix with other kids so I dont know what ppl that feel u have to stay at home to be your kids are talking about.

That interviewer should be reported. I still find it difficult to believe that that happened.

I'm sure that women who have to leave work early to attend to their children's issues will pick up their work later after hours otherwise they risk losing their jobs. It's all about discipline. You could be single and childless and still be slack.

Not always true, if you have kids your out sick more. I recently switched job and was nervous since I have a toddler and being able to balance a new job and Mom. But I'm glad I did I love my job and the other person in the office has no kids and has called in sick many times. It's very hard having a full time job and being a Mom, we need all the positive support we can get.

That guy is out of line and should be reported.

They say that a SAHM only gets to spend one hour more of quality time with their child per week then a Working Mom. I am a working mother of two (age 3 and 1 1/2) and can tell you this. My children do not suffer from my working. I can only speak for myself but I find, that by working outside of the home, I am satisfied professionally and intellectually and therefore every moment with my kids is ABOUT my kids. We play and snuggle and have fun outings. I try to save most of the housework for after they are asleep or when they are doing something with dad so as not to take "mom" time away from them. Plus my husband his very helpful around the house and I think he would be less so if I was home all day.

That said I DO think that moms of YOUNG children who try to have HIGH POWERED careers are either fooling themselves or there kids will suffer for it. When your kids are small you SIMPLY CAN NOT pull long hours and weekends (at least not all the time), you CAN'T hop on a plane for a business trip at a moments notice and you can't always take off at the drop of a hat. So, YES you can have a career but WHICH career is critical. Be realistic about the demands that will be placed upon you in a certain position, or at a certain company. Will you be able to come in late on a snow day? Can you take work home for the afternoon if you get a call from school that your child is sick?

I am all for working with children. I think the kids benefit when mom and day have happy well-rounded lives. But be realistic, for yourself and your child.

I am a working mother with 2 children. My husband, however, is a stay at home dad. I don't believe that is something that has even been brought up....it just dosen't seem like it even occured to the employer that perhaps the father would be home taking care of the children.

That being said, I have also earned time off. While my childless counterparts will probably use their sick time for their own personal benefit, I save it for emergencies with my children and short, planned family vacations. My time is covered and I am entitled to take it. In fact, if I don't, I lose it.

This is not 1950. Most families are 2 parent working families, and a lot are out of necessity. My husband will be returning to work soon and our children will be in fulltime daycare. And, whomever's job is the most flexible will be the one to take off when the kids are sick or have days off of school that we can't make accomodations for. Most likely, we will take turns taking off for the kids.

Its not a choice for most people. So, should only those that marry men that are able to provide for the entire family be allowed to have children? Its not a cold hard fact that you will be unreliable if you have children.

I think that slackers are slackers. I am sure that some parents use their children as excuses to come in late, or to miss work. But, people lie about why they miss work all the time!! The slackers with kids just don't have to be as creative.

I am a SAHM and I love it. I understand, though, that some people either are not cut out to be one or simply don't have curcimstances to allow them to be one. I hope I don't have to work as long as my children are little. But I agree that it's not right for an interviewer to ask such a question. I also agree that it's not right that the same thing isn't applied to fathers. Sometimes the dad is the one who deals with sick children. I would have let him know that it wasn't a question he could ask me legally. And I don't think I would've wanted to work for a company that wouldn't hire parents. I hope that the man was reported and that the mom applying was able to find a job.
To Mel,
I think you come off sounding bitter and angry. This isn't a question aimed at the mother herself but about the fact that the man asked a question he wasn't supposed to and made a judgement on her performance based on the fact that she has children. Who knows? Maybe she has a wonderful caretaker for her children. I know I am listed as a person to take care of my friend's little boy if he's sick. In that case, I'd go to the school and pick him up and I have permission to take him to the doctor if necessary and to take care of him until she's done for the day. Maybe it's the same with the person who posted the problem. I think it's time for you to grow up and get over it.

Quoting Amy:

"First of all please read no further if you are single mother and must work. In that case I totaly understand why you are angry.

However if you are not a single mother and do not need to work then do you really think that you are doing the best that you can to give your children what you really need? Children need their mothers and need them at home especially when they are young. In school or not. Feminism has gone too far. There is a reason why women aren't paid the same as men, it's because there really is no place for them in corporate america. Like I said in the begining if you are single mom then obviously you have to try and make a place for yourself in in corporate america. But really what are we doing for our children by working more a spending time with them less, by sending them off for other people to take of them? Do you even really know your children?

Amy"

_____________________________________________________________
I wish that I didn't have to work. But the economy today hardly allows for women to remain at home with their children. I would never dare ask my husband to work 2 jobs so I can stay at home with the kids he'd never get to see. And I certainly would not choose to sit at home with the kids and watch our finances go down deeper than they already are. Unfortunately not all moms(married women such as myself) have this option. My children love me despite the fact that I not only am a working mom (part time)but I am going to college as well. Of course we all know children need their mothers. Futhermore what good are we doing our children by not working and falling further below proverty. I knew a woman once who would not work and because of this she, her husband and their 3 kids had no place to live but in a tent. So maybe you should think about the fact that we are not all so fortunate as you are.

On the topic at hand I would definitely report the guy. No company needs personnel like that in charge.

Reading these comments just reflects the tragic state of our nation. I'm sorry you people are so angry but maybe you should ask yourself why - perhaps guilt is the underlying issue.

1. What the guy asked was totally illegal and it smacks of discrimination. However, the point is a valid one.

2. What are you people who are jumping on Mel suggesting? All I can hear is "hell, yes, I abandon my kid at daycare when they're sick/need me, etc so don't you DARE claim I don't do my share!" Sorry, ladies - you can't have it both ways. You either neglect your kids or you neglect your job.

3. And the suggestion that "my children learn to be responsible because I work" - what is that? Does your 4-month-old unload the dishwasher? Or is he just smart enough to be quiet instead of cry for attention because he knows he won't get it?

If you chose to bring children into this world, be a responsible adult and RAISE them instead of passing it off to others. If you don't feel fulfilled doing so, I feel sorry for you - your children are suffering and you can only care about your own ego.

Oh, by the way, I have a master's degree from an Ivy League university and there is NO job that is more important than the one I hold now - staying home with my children.

I am now a SAHM but was a Human Resources Generalist before having my 2 daughters and this pushes every HR button! I'd be reporting him to whomever I could but still wouldn't work there. Who would want to work for that jerk?!!?

I believe that a happy mom = happy kids. A good mother should not be defined by her decision to work in the home, out of the home, or some combination of both. Ladies, it's 2008... let's stand together and support each other in the decisions we make for our families... show these daughters (& even sons, for that matter) that we are raising that we need to do what's is best for ourselves and our family. Personally, I feel that God has called me to be a SAHM because I've never been happier doing what I do- being a loving wife, teaching & raising my girls, and giving back to my church and community. Are you, the Mom that works 40+ hours a week at a "job" a "bad" mother for doing that??? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I think it's great & it amazes me that you can balance your job & your family. I couldn't & was miserable doing so... does that make me a bad mom? I don't believe so. We need to stand united with each other and not against each other and be every other women's biggest cheerleader! Be proud of our mothers & grandmother that worked so hard to give us these choices!!! GIRL POWER :)

The American desperation to have material possessions, a big house two luxury cars in the garage, diamonds on every finger and the latest mobile phone and ipod is what causes families to NEED two incomes. Your debtload and credid cards are killing your families! Money does not make the world go 'round. Love does and the more that we can show our children the better. You can't tell me that a working mother has only one hour less quality time with her children than a SAHM. How does that work? What is that SAHM doing? In our family I was a working mom, but decided that I was only kidding myself and denying my children a proper home and upbringing by paying someone else to raise them. We bought a smaller house, and lowered our lifestyle a bit to accomodate one income and we are much better, healthier and happier family because of it. It is the most intense, hardest but yet most fulfilling career I have ever done. And I am a better mother and woman because of it.

My comments for you Amy is that you are very naive and have a narrow perspective of what a mother/parent is. I don't care what Ivy League degrees you have. There isn't one way to do this that is the right way. All mothers/parents want what's best for their children and to be so righteous to believe that your required to "sacrifice" and you "shouldn't have kids" if you don't want to be at home is a reflection of that naivty. What works for one mother may not for another. Its not what is right and what is wrong! Even if I did have the financial means to be at home I would not. It doesn't work for me. This forthright judgement upon anothers life is appalling, a relection of stupidity, and frankly a tiresome argument. Would Hillary be running for president if she stayed at home? No! Iam sure that her daughter doesn't think she was a horrible mother. Traditional parenting didn't work for her and we should be supportive of each others choices instead of so opinionated. We are all mothers. We would all benefit from supportive opinions instead of criticism. My be you should take some traditional parenting/motherly advice. If you can't say something nice then do say it at all.

I don't think anyone is talking about casting blame on women who work if it keeps their family from living in a "tent" but, please...look at your "needs". How many of you "need" (and have) a car that is newer than a 2000 model, how many have a television that's bigger than 30 inches, how many of you have more than 20 cable channels (when do you watch them), how many of you have a house that is bigger than it needs to be, in a more exclusive neighborhood?

If these are the "needs" you are working for, your priorities are WRONG. Stay home with your kids. The future of our society depends on it. Paris Hilton had all the "things" money could buy and was raised by nannies or on her own. Is that your goal for your little girls? WAKE UP!

If you can't bear the though of staying home with your kids then get your tubes tied and don't have any more. You should have just gotten a dog.

And i correct...."dont say it at all!"

I am a working mother and fortunately, I have a very family oriented job. I work because I have to, I would have loved the ability to stay at home and be with my son, but my life didn't turn out that way. I am also in a profession where sometimes it requires to work over 60 hours a week. I am fortunate enough to have flexible hours as long as I get my job done I can leave for a couple hours and take my son to the doctor, I may have to go to work a little earlier the next day, but I make it work, because I have to. I make every minute I am with my son count.

I have also been on the other side before I had my son, picking up the slack for those that had to leave because of thier children. When I got pregnant I never wanted to do that to my co-workers, so if I have to leave I put in a little more hours here or there. I also have a higher productivity level than some of the singles in my office, I do my job and then I go home and be the best mom I can possibly be to my son.

While I was in college, I also used to live at an apartment complex, where there were moms who stayed home with thier kids and they would sit around talking with each other, paying no attention to what thier toddlers were doing, I had to stop one from running across the street and the mom never even noticed or looked up. I agree with previous posters that what makes a good or bad mom, depends on the mom.

I am so appalled by the comments I've seen here by women who honestly think that it's wrong to be a working mother. I can't even find the words to express my anger about that. I am a working mother of two and the only thing I will bother to say is "get a clue". I won't bother to attempt to change such narrow minds. I really hope you don't all screw up your kids the way you're screwed up. It's unreal.

I am so appalled by the comments I've seen here by women who honestly think that it's wrong to be a working mother. I can't even find the words to express my anger about that. I am a working mother of two and the only thing I will bother to say is "get a clue". I won't bother to attempt to change such narrow minds. I really hope you don't all screw up your kids the way you're screwed up. It's unreal.

Wow - this is a very hot issue. People feel strongly one way or another and as a professional who decided to stay home with her child, my opinion is... it's up to you. It's personal and NO ONE should (other than your partner, perhaps) should have any say in the matter. Mind you own business, tend to your own issues, keep your own nose clean.

As for this employer, unfortunately, he isn't the only one out there. I remember speaking to one man a few years ago who told me he wouldn't hire ANY WOMEN OF CHILDBEARING YEARS!!! There are mindless creeps, both male and female, wherever you go, you can't avoid 'em. But you're lucky you're not working for that one - but I would report him without missing a step. Karma - it's a bitch.

I am a small business owner. I would never ask if someone has children although I usually know by the end of the interview. It is funny most of my problem workers are dog breeders, married to truck drivers, or 24 and under. So should I never hire another person who has one of these issues. As a working mother I can honestly say that I would stay home if my husband would not torture me so much and not be so disrespectful and controlling about our finances. I have considered leaving the marraige for this reason but, I would then be a working mom with even less help than I have now. I think that those of you that gripe about picking up the slack for working mothers are immature and cruel. When I go to my office I am there to just work my butt off and If I am your boss then you should be doing the same. If you did you would not have time to gripe about picking up someone else's slack. Business is business if you want me to stick my neck out and do with out sometimes, which by the way means my children do without, so that I can employ you, then you need to pick up the slack and work like a team.

Just a female employers viewpoint

It's so sad. So many women feel they need careers in addition to having kids so they can enjoy "stuff". OK, so lets push out some kids and then dump them in daycare where they won't be getting the love and attention from mom but from some employee who wants to collect a paycheck! Why have kids if someone else is going to raise them? A baby needs their mother. Period. Please, if you feel you must work, wait until your kids are 18 and out of the house. Do them a favor and be there for them!

And if, as it was suggested, all mothers of small children stayed home, there would be a MAJOR workforce shortage. You think you're picking up all the slack" now?

I just want to know what happened to basic human kindness and empathy? What makes the business world so much more important than humankind. A woman has the right to "BE" what she wants. I don't see where the argument lies? Those who disagree need a lesson in compassion.

To Lea.

I should edit my comment to point out, that the particular woman I had to pick up the slack for, was also the same one that always seemed to be on a break and the boss eventually stopped giving her harder assignments, but when I was just a single gal with no kids waiting for me at home, that is what I felt. I should have made that a little more clear.

On a side note I am at home with my sick child (who is asleep) and working out of the house today, to make sure the work gets done and still be here for my baby.

I can't believe the comments on this issue! The man broke the law! Period! It is clearly discriminatory and he should be reported.

As an aside, my husband raised my stepson as a single parent from age 5 until 13, when we met. NEVER ONCE was his commitment to his job called into question because he was a parent. Nor did our son suffer from neglect. He is a happy, well-adjusted bright teenager. Let me also point out, my husband was in the military at the time, so he was getting up at 4 am for PT, rushing home to get ready for work and get our son to school, and then working until 5 pm at his duty assignment. Every evening he made dinner, made sure homework was done, played with his son, and got him into bed at a decent hour. He was able to manage all this with help from other military parents and friends. Was he/is he a good parent? Everything I can see about our son would indicate yes.

Maybe the civilian world, moms in particular, could learn a little something about providing support for each other instead of judging each other.

Quoted from Liz:

"OK, so lets push out some kids and then dump them in daycare where they won't be getting the love and attention from mom but from some employee who wants to collect a paycheck! Why have kids if someone else is going to raise them?"

Wow is about all I can think to say. What a sad person you are". How incredibly judgmental of you. That is sad what you say about daycare providers. I have had the fortune of having my, now 4-year old daughter, in daycare since 12 weeks old. We have been fortunate to have wonderful teachers throughout my daughter's time at the school. What an insult you make toward the hard-working people who choose to work in a daycare.

If you do a little research about childhood development, which I am sure that you have, you will find that it is more important that a baby have positive bonds and security than it is that it always be from the same person. And to repeat what others have said, Quality is better than Quantity! I hope that your children will not be so narrrow-minded...very sad!

How can Liz say that parents "dump" their children into daycare? Why is a mother's love the "BEST" love? Isn't "ALL" love good? What's wrong with a childcare person's love. What exactly makes it inferior. Are you teaching your child that your love is better than another person's love. How can the "QUALITY"" of a persons "LOVE" be judged based on who it's coming from. I see the way my childcare persons at my daycare love my child and know that I made the right decision. The more love the better right? Why would you assume that I'm "dumping" my children? What right do you have to decide what the definition of a good mother is? Because you're a mother? That's like a man judging another man about what kind of Father he should be. No man would do this. As women why do we judge each other the way that we do? Why is it so personal? Why do women believe it is their "right"?

I am a working chef and a women in a man's world. I love it. Yes I have faced some discrimination from men at times. Although as expected it was from an ignorant and or jealous "person" who happened to be a man. Overall men don't judge other men. In fact "taking it for the team" is the mantra. We need to learn from men and be better at supporting each other instead of judging?

This arguing amongst us women is soooo tiring. Obviously we should be more supportive of each other's choices. I guess what I don't understand is why women can't help themselves when it comes to judging each other. Why can't we respect each other the way men do?

I think to sum all of this up is to say that all of us has the right to make choices that work for our own lives/circumstances. We all should respect each other for the choices we make, even though we may not agree. After all, if we continue to discriminate and be disrespectful of each other, how can we change things for the better? It's a vicious cycle that will keep on going. As a woman, I am disappointed with several comments on this post, but will not comment directly on the ones that I did not agree with as I do think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That being said, I am a working mother of one, who before having my son, thought I could never be a mother because I didn't think I could fulfill my career and family goals. However, to my surprise, I have a very successful career, a husband who loves me tremendously and a son that loves me and cares for me just as much as if I was a stay at home mom. I wouldn't change a thing!

I feel that women in this day and age have the right to choose to work or to stay home depending on personal finances, priorities, and preferences. No one should attack another for their personal choice in this regard. Why are we so judgemental of others when it comes to this subject? I choose to work parttime in order to supplement our household income, however, I gain so many other benefits from working other than a paycheck. My child's health and dental benefits are covered by my employer. I am contributing to a retirement account which will help secure my family's future. I earn money which allows us to vacation yearly as a family and to enroll my child in extracurricular activities, things which would not be financially feasible if I did not work. I love my daughter, but I also enjoy my job. I seldom take sick days due to my daughter, but I am given them as a benenfit of my job, therefore, I do not feel guilty if on occassion I do need to take one. Some of the most reliable employees at my company are parents and some of the least reliable are not. If you are a good, dependable employee, you will continue to be whether or not you have children. Let's just respect each other's choices and not judge - it's uncalled for.

I am beside myself right now in so many ways over this argument. Can I just ask you all one thing - completely seriously? HOW are you doing this? I have never even read a message board no less posted on one before. I am a stay-at-home-mom with 2 kids ages 4 and 18 months and I run around like a lunatic and I still don't get everything done. I have a college degree from a good school and an honorable discharge from serving my country for 4 years and I am getting my ass kicked all over the place in this - the HARDEST job I have ever done. My kids are screaming outside the door right now because I have sat down and am not tending to them. I have 2 weeks worth of laundry done and not put away, and another 2 yet to wash. My husband helps from the second he gets home until the second we collapse into bed. Work? I work my butt off! EVERY day. But I barely get any 'quality time' with my kids and if I had to actually go to a job, get these kids ready for and to some kind of babysitting situation, and work for someone ELSE for 8 hours a day, I would absolutely LOSE MY MIND. Do you all have maids? WHAT am I missing?

I am in shock from reading all these comments. I am a working mother and my husband is the primary care giver. Everyone of us on this list have a man somewhere who helped to make our children. Are those men spending time on lists debating whether or not they should be working and whether or not their work is somehow less because they are a Dad? No.

As long as people have sex there are going to be babies. As long as there needs to be a workforce there will be parents in the workforce and parents will make up the majority of said workforce - so everyone is going to need to deal with it, including employers.

Each family must make a decision that is best for them - the best decision for us happens to be that the Dad is home for now. I think we both will spend time at home being the primary care giver. So cut out the sexism inherint in the assumptiion that only Moms are the ones affected by working and being a parent. (Or worse, that Mom's are best suited to stay at home...)

I have a one-year old child and am lucky enough to be in business for myself. I was able to take most of his first year off from work and hand-off my clients to a colleague. I have been able to return to work part-time which feels like the right balance for me. I think that each family should have as many options available to them as possible. I think more businesses are going in the direction of flex time, job sharing etc. so that parents can construct a parenting plan that best supports their values. Happy parents are happy employees. Every study I"ve read seems to support the notion that happy people are more productive employees which brings more money to the bottom-line of a business. In response to Mel, the funny thing is that I was a slacker BEFORE I had my son. But now that every moment away from him comes at a price, I am more efficient than I've ever been in my career. I have figured out how to get the job done in half the time because I value my time much more now.

I have to say I'm surprised that no one has brought up this point: Do you think the employer would ask the same question of a man? One of the most striking issues I see today is the double-standard in the expectations of parenting. Why is it up to the women to do the lion's share of childcare? Why is it the woman with the guilty complex for choosing to work (sometimes it's really not a choice, after all). Is not a man just as responsible for his children as a woman?

As for the work at home/away from home issue, I am in a unique situation. I work for one of the top companies in the world for mothers (has ALWAYS been on Working Mother Magazines Top 10 list). When I started 12 years ago, I was a motivated career woman. Kids were not on the horizon. It didn't occur to me to resent mothers who had to take care of children-- it's just a fact of life. They had more responsibilities than I did-- they were responsible for another human life, for goodness sake. Then I got married, advanced in my career, and got pregnant. My plan was to take a short but extended Leave when the baby was born. Much to my surprise, when my daughter was born, my attitude changed completely. Career? Hmmm... not quite so important when compared to my beautiful blue-eyed bundle.

I ended up taking more time than I planned, but went back to work after 6 months. That's when the guilt set in. I subsequently was promoted twice (Note to Mel: no slacker-mom here), and missed my daughter terribly. After three years in an extrememly challenging and rewarding job, I made the difficult decision that I could stand it no more, and requested a Personal Leave of Absence. I immediately got pregnant with my second child, and I ended up staying home with my children for over 2 years.

Let me tell you this: I've been on both sides of the fence, and I can tell you that while the grass is greener