February 2008 Archives
Have been thinking about my last post on how today’s typical teen uses 80 to 90 curses a day. Yes, I place part of the blame on the media; swearing is business as usual in movies and on cable TV, talk schlock radio, etc. But I think we parents (and I am far from exempt here) might shoulder some of the blame, too.
Case in point: When my adorable daughter was about two, she struck up a sweet friendship with the very prim and proper older mom-in-pearls who lived next door. Mrs. McGuire would take her for strolls around the neighborhood on nice days. One afternoon the pair met up with Bandit, a neighbor’s collie, so named because he loved to steal things from everyone’s garbage pails. We had had more than our fair share of run-ins with Bandit. A sweet dog, he was nonetheless a major pain in the neck for us over at Chez Yarnell; several times a week we’d come outside to find the contents of one or two of our big garbage pails strewn all over our side yard. Naturally, we took to accompanying our regular clean-ups of the dog’s mess with muttered comments about “that stupid F***ing Bandit.” You get the picture.
So when our precious little toddler saw our frequent canine visitor hanging out in his own yard, she pointed at him and exclaimed with delight to Mrs. Pearls-and-Twin-Set, “Look, Mrs. McGuire. It’s stupid F***ing, Bandit!” Turns out our proper neighbor got a big hearty laugh out of the whole thing, or so it seemed when she shared the story with us later. But that was my personal wake-up call to clean up my own language; you never know what little ears will hear. Or repeat.
PS: Please tell me I’m not alone here in F***ing up—literally—and make me feel better.
When the temperature outside drops and the weather turns nasty, we head for indoor play spaces. Thankfully, we have many in Brooklyn that we frequent, it's the one saving grace to being an urban parent. My friend and fellow comedian Karen Morgan lives in Maine. The closest thing they have to an indoor play space is her local PetSmart store. She tells her kids it's an indoor zoo.
When I was growing up indoor play spaces were called something else: other people's houses. Today, between most moms working and daycare, Lily and I have made many lasting friendships at play spaces that graduated into play dates. An Indoor play space is like a mom's MySpace: you can network with other lonely, desperate women who are dying to speak with someone over 3 years old. And if you're new to the indoor play space or party gym experience, it won't take you long to get over the whole ball pit phobia thing. I think all the germs they pick up in the ball pit only make them stronger in the long run. In fact, when Lily dives into a ball pit now I literally hear that song Stronger by Kanye West in my head.
Shoot! File this one under: why am I not surprised (but still appalled)?
Preteens and teens, say experts, are swearing more than ever—even at school, once a cuss-free zone. So just how much is more than ever? According to Timothy Jay, a noted scholar who actually studies this topic, the typical teen uses 80 to 90 curse words a day.
Whoa. So what’s that all about? (Hint: tune into a "Sopranos" re-run lately?)
CNN reports, “Grandfather high on drugs passes out, smothers grandson.” BET reports,
“Baby found smothered under passed out, drunk mother”. With headlines like these I think it’s safe to say we’re not heading into a recession more like a depression. What's even more shocking is that Britney Spears isn't even involved either! I don't feel so guilty anymore about letting Lily watch that SpongeBob marathon the other day. What the heck is going on?!! Is getting drunk and then passing out on children becoming a national trend? Will conservatives now start planting signs along our highways that read: Smothering Stops A Beating Heart? My husband sends me links to articles like these all day, he's obsessed. I wish he'd stop and focus more on getting that promotion.
Thanks to global warming we don't really get much snow any more in Brooklyn....which makes me want to run out and purchase a few more cans of hairspray because I find snow to be a major inconvenience in daily city living. However, we do enjoy our winter sports as a family. Here's a few pics of how we kept Lily busy over the winter break from school:
I don’t know what your neighborhood has been like this past week, but here’s what’s been going on in mine:
Nothing.
Yup, all the other families have departed for warmer or snowier or more relative-filled destinations during this February vacation week, leaving us working stiffs and/or families whose kids do have school with empty parking lots, stores, and restaurants. Last night I was in the supermarket at 5:30; there were two other customers. And though I feel a bit like Will Smith in I am Legend (the hubby’s choice, but of course) in which he is the only survivor of an apocalyptic event in all of Manhattan, I gotta admit this: I am loving it.
Wherever or whatever you’re up to this week, hope you are too.
If you haven't read my last posting about my trials and tribulations in the elementary school PTA - you'll need to read it first - click here - because this entry won't be nearly as funny until you read that one!So here is the update...After the whole advertising debacle, this was the PTA President's email to me:
PTA President: "Sorry for the Monkey wrench on the ads. I see your true entrepreneurial spirit is in there and hate to dash it, perhaps you would consider getting involved in pasta night next year -maybe a journal would be a nice touch!! Thanks again for taking this task on!!"
Yes, I too had to re-read it a few times for it to sink in. That 2 line email has many ridiculous statements in it.
Let's discuss the 'journal' idea for next year. WHY is that any different than selling ad space in the newsletter?! and 2) what - get involved in Pasta Night next year! - um...NO-Piranha... NO! This is what gives PTAs a bad wrap. They just suck you in and make you regret volunteering.
Continue on reading to see the next few correspondence's between the two of us....
Ever notice that tears and fears plus 24 hours can sometimes equal a funny story? It’s true. Given enough time, an upsetting or scary incident can actually morph into a “Gee, can you believe that happened?” kind of amusing anecdote in the retelling. At least that’s what recently happened to me.
The other day, I flew home into our local airport and could not, for the life of me, remember where I had left my car in the three-story parking structure. Thanks to my own special blend of direction and number issues, this has happened to me before, so I usually write down the exact location of where I parked the car and keep that piece of paper in my wallet. But this time, I was in such a rush to catch the plane that I didn’t stop to do it. BIG mistake. When I landed and went to look for my car, it was AWOL.
First, I berated myself. How could I be so stupid? But a few more fruitless laps around the parking garage, anger at myself turned into fear that I’d never find it and get out of there. Tears were up on deck when I found a kindhearted security guard who agreed to join in the search. “You stay here,” he suggested. “Just tell me what kind of car you have and I’ll find it.”
A friend of mine who happens to be a graduate student, needs to place her toddler in day care. She was pleased when her son became eligible to attend the daycare center at the University. The director of the day care gave her a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, my friend asked about the curriculum.
"Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." Brilliant. I know.....curriculum? She had that one coming. Her son is 2 by the way.
Her son's been fortunate (rather she's been fortunate) to have been home with mom for the first two years of his life. However, like with most working families today, child care has become an issue. She's not one of the lucky ones with extended family that can help either. I think Day Care can be great because they learn socialization skills, have fun and it prepares them for being in school. It's wonderful to be at home with an aunt or a trusted babysitter but the group experience can be priceless.....actually, it's very price-y. I think Day Care is an appropriate name for it because one has to work all day to pay for it.It's a tough choice but one many women have had to make. Which do you prefer: day care or babysitter?
My mother used to say to me when I complained about my homework that, "Homework never killed anybody." To which I always replied, "Yes, but I don't want to be the first."
Lily, our five year old, is in Kindergarten and she gets about 45 minutes to one hour worth of homework every day. It's insane. And on top of that, she has a spelling test every Friday! Our first grade friend Imelia gets about 90 minutes of homework a day and is assigned the most complex, intricate, advanced projects which her full-time working mother (a teacher as well!) usually winds up completing because they're just too difficult. Come on people. It doesn't matter how much information is shoved down our kids' throats, SAT scores have steadily been decreasing ever since the 80's. So guess what?! The endless hours of homework and the ridiculous expectations placed on our children are obviously not working. I'm not a slacker mom either I'm a realistic mom.
Newsflash! This just in:
According to a recent study cited by my local paper, significant others of the male persuasion who plan ahead and take the time to think of V’Day presents that their sweeties will really like (jewelry, yes; can opener, no) just want to make the women who receive the recipients happy. And the ones who buy wilted carnations from the local convenience store at the 11th hour? They just want to make sure that they don’t end up in the doghouse or on the living room couch.
Well, duh. Talk about explaining the obvious. I mean, really. That’s like doing a big study to find out that women who get what they want on February 14th spend the two weeks preceding that day dropping heavy hints.
That's what my friend Liz refers to Valentines Day as. After 20 years of marriage and several children later, apparently the magic is gone. It's a lot of pressure on married people to have be all romantic on a Thursday in February. I feel really sorry for the single people. I have a friend who is single and has roses delivered to herself at her office every Valentines with a really sexy note. Brilliant!
I have to say, ever since Lily has come into our lives Valentines has been even better. She makes us these lovely cards that have "I love you mom" written all over them...so of course I'm happy. I bought some cute little one-bite cupcakes for her to take to class so she was just thrilled this morning. She insisted on carrying them herself. She slipped twice on the ice with them but fortunately they're okay (so is she). It was a drama free morning because of those cupcakes! I think I'll be buying her cupcakes every day from now on.
My husband and I started dating the week before Valentines. Talk about pressure. He gave me a card that had a picture of a camera on it with the caption, "Happy Valentines....let's see what develops." Very noncomittal. We laugh about it to this day......18 years later.
What did your kids make for you this Valentines?
That young women today know they are 100% equal to their brothers is a given; they’ve been raised to understand that yes, of course, they can be or do anything they want. Play on the soccer team? Check. Pursue higher education? Of course! Crash through the glass ceiling in the corner office? For sure. And run for President? Yup, that too.
But that hard-won sense of equality might have come at an unexpectedly high price for this generation of teen girls, according to the results of several studies that reveal that more and more of them are engaging in the risky or dangerous behaviors traditionally associated with teen boys. They’re smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and getting into car accidents at increasingly alarming rates. (Add this info to the recent rise in teen pregnancies and the picture that emerges is sobering indeed.)
Is it just me?......No......it couldn't be. Everywhere I turn, people are snapping at each other and being generally hostile. Is it the weather? I've met many people named either May, June or August in my life but never a February. If there was a girl named February she'd be short, cold and bitter. There's nothing like three straight days of single digit temps to make one swear at complete strangers on the street, "It's f**king cold out here!" Why do people do that? We know it's cold. Stop it.
Is it the economy? My husband just survived (I'm thanking god as I'm writing this) another round of lay-offs at his firm that are a direct result of the bleak mortgage market. I have a theory about why everyone is so angry now. We're all getting daily, hopeful glimpses of our potential presidential candidates when we still have 9 months left with our first husband. Seriously, President Bushs' presidency seems to be lingering on like a bad marriage......he just won't leave, there's no money left and he started all this trouble with the neighbors (Iraq)....it's just awful.
Today in Brooklyn, our local children's librarian yelled at me for trying to sign out THE CHILDREN'S BOOK OF POETRY from the reference section. I forgot! I didn't mean it really but she acted like I did it deliberately. Goodness. She should be happy I'm trying to take out any books for god's sake. It's not like there's a kids reading epidemic out there. Hasn't she read the papers lately? (No because they're probably in reference and no one is allowed to touch them!) Kids are failing school all over the place. Despite rigorous curriculums, standardized test scores have been steadily decreasing since the 70's. It appears her RIF program has not been introduced to the SAT program. Jeesh.
Got any frantic February moments to share? Do tell, we could all use a laugh.
So, my big guy is in Kindergarten. Now, this is obviously my first experience in 'real' public school - so I did what many virgin moms within the public school system do, attend that first PTA meeting back in September. I'm sitting there listening to this year's committee and seeing the seriousness of it all. I start to look around thinking to myself - am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous? Don't get me wrong...I understand the importance of parental involvement in the school system and I do not minimize the work that goes into it, but there is no reason that it needs to all be this serious. The voting is what pushed me over the edge. We had to vote in favor or opposition of the newly appointed treasurer. "All in favor...say I". Everyone (including me said I) no one said 'ney'. Who would say 'ney'. Why would you say 'ney'. Geez. It was all too silly for me.
Then it comes time to start divvying up the committee chairs for the upcoming year. I tried. I really did try to hide. It simply didn't work. The piranha’s got me.
"Stacey Smith, don't you run a magazine?"
Me: "Um, yes."
PTA Pres: "Well then wouldn't you do wonders with our school Newsletter! Why don't you take that and run with it."
Me: "Sure."
With all my recent blogging about the rise in teen pregnancy, reviewing Juno seemed inevitable. You know how sometimes all the good lines are included in a movie’s coming attraction trailer and there’s nothing left to enjoy when you see the real thing? Happily, that’s not the case with Juno. I absolutely loved this quirky little indie-type flick-turned-media-darling a la Little Miss Sunshine. As a writer, I especially appreciated the smart, witty dialogue. The lines come so fast and furious that this would be one of the few movies I’d pay to see a second time; I was so busy laughing at or thinking about a line that I missed the next one and the next one.
Now that Oprah et al have discovered Juno and it’s been nominated for gazillions of awards, I won’t be giving anything away here by telling you the bare bones of the plot (sans the details of its I-didn’t-see-it-coming twist ending.) Expect superb performances by newcomer Ellen Page, a quirky, wise-cracking teen who, faced with an unplanned pregnancy, decides to give her baby up for adoption; seasoned actors Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons, as her equally quirky but supportive parents; and Jennifer Garner and Justine Bateman as the yuppifed prospective adoptive parents. (Also making a blink-and-you-might-miss-him cameo as the local video store guy is Rainn Wilson of “The Office:” a plus for all us Office-addicts suffering from new episode withdrawal.)
She's back and we've got her -- in the latest episode of Laura Bennett: Case Clothed! This month, Laura Bennett (our favorite Project Runway alum) tackles that age-old question: how does one choose that perfect, do-it-all handbag? (You know, the one that should replace the shopping bag / baby bag / gym bag you've been carrying around forever).
It's Fashion Week here in New York, so we've got style on our minds. Laura knows how to keep it practical and make it fun. Check out The Case of the Troublesome Tote (and send Laura questions about any troublesome fashion dilemmas of your own).
At a recent parent teacher conference, I was advised that Lily is having trouble paying attention in school because she is literally falling asleep at her desk. She is not participating in story time nor does she respond when called upon. Her comatose state is really affecting her performance in school. Even though we make sure she eats breakfast the foods she was consuming in the morning were Cheerios and toast - carbs. Sometimes, I give her fruit but she likes her carbs. Eggs are out of the question because like her father, she's literally skeeved by them. She eats PB&J for lunch and fruit so she does eat well.
I was advised by a nutritionist to modify her diet in the morning: give her more protein and to get her on fish oil capsules. She's been eating these great apple/chicken sausages with fresh strawberries washed down with a protein shake for two weeks in the am. If it doesn't have a face Lily isn't eating it. She gets her fish oils before she goes to bed.
Today, I received the second of two congratulatory phone calls from her teaching team this week. Her O.T. said that Lily has literally come out of her fog and is paying attention, focusing, participating and that even her voice is louder now (I give 'em two days before they start complaining about that). Her teachers and her principal are saying that Lily's awakening is quite phenomenal.
Larry and I couldn't be more thrilled. It's lovely to get positive feedback from our child's teachers for a change. I can get used to this. What nutritional changes have you made to your kid's diet that has affected their behavior positively?
Let me just say right off the top here that I know less than nothing about football. But like the rest of the country, I was caught up in Super Bowl mania this year, especially as I am a proud lifelong New Yorker. I mean, I actually knew which teams were playing and who I wanted to root for. Go Giants!
But while I had more than my usual level of interest in Sunday night’s proceedings, that didn’t stop me from reverting to my past behavior of hanging out with my gal pals in the kitchen at our friends’ Super Bowl bash. Indeed, for most of the event, the guys were glued to the big screen TV in the adjacent family room, while we settled around the kitchen’s center island, exchanging meaningful commentary on world events (gossip is such a harsh word, don’t you think?).
But towards the very end of the game, after we had finished briefing each other on the state of (our) world, we all gathered around the TV to make a pretense of showing interest in the main event. When I plopped down next to the hubby, our home team was losing 17-14, with not much time left on the clock. The guys were glum. “But can’t they still win?” I asked my personal sports fan. Yes, he conceded, it was possible, if by some miracle the Giants scored a touchdown in the little time remaining. “So, it’s not a done deal, right?” I persisted. All the guys continued to look glum—even Duncan, the golden retriever. Well, the whole free world knows what happened next. The Giants got that famous touchdown—and Giants fans and our group went berserk—all of which leads me to believe there’s a good Mom’s Life Lesson here.
As we know, moms from the beginning of time have urged their kids not to give up, even if the outcome doesn’t look good. You know, it’s not over ‘til it’s over? Looks like some of those bigger kids many of us live with just got a refresher course on the subject. Forget the fat lady singing. It ain’t over ‘til the hunky guy gets the ball between those two thing-a-ma-jigs.
PS: Way to go, Giants…and nice try, Patriots! (I know, I’m such a mom).
According to MSNBC.com, phthalates are used to stabilize fragrances and make plastics flexible. Animal studies have suggested that phthalates can cause reproductive birth defects and some activists believe they may cause reproductive problems in boys and early puberty in girls.
Bottom line: Until we know more about the effects of phthalates, it's not a bad idea to reduce the number of cosmetic products we use on our babies. Try these natural soap-and-water tips to keep your baby clean, phthalate-free.