When my first son was born, my childhood friend (and mother of two teen-aged daughters) came to stay with us for a week to help with our newborn. She spoiled us by cooking, cleaning, helping with the baby, and keeping us company. I didn't realize how much I relied on her until she left.

People had warned us that having a baby was hard work, but it's really impossible to know what it's like until one experiences it for oneself. I had always worked as my husband did, so it was strange to fall into these old-fashioned roles of homemaker and breadwinner. I found myself resenting the fact that he could still wake up and shower and go to work, while I stayed home with the baby. It wasn't an equal partnership anymore; I disliked having to do more household chores, but since I wasn't earning money, I felt that I had to contribute somehow. It was difficult for me to adjust to motherhood and caring for a newborn.

Many of the parenting guides that I had read pointed out that traditionally, women in a tribe or village helped each other raise the children in their community. We were fortunate to be living in a family-friendly village of Brooklyn, with several friends becoming parents around the same time. I don't know how I would have survived those early days without the friendship and support from my momtourage. There's nothing comparable to the camaraderie one shares with other parents. It has been a pleasure to watch our kids grow up together and become playmates, too.

A good friend once told me how she fantasized that one day we would all have kids, and they could all play together and be friends too. At the time, I never wanted kids, so I thought she was crazy. Twenty years later, with kids about the same age, I can appreciate her forethought.