When the temperature outside drops and the weather turns nasty, we head for indoor play spaces.  Thankfully, we have many in Brooklyn that we frequent, it's the one saving grace to being an urban parent.  My friend and fellow comedian Karen Morgan lives in Maine.  The closest thing they have to an indoor play space is her local PetSmart store.  She tells her kids it's an indoor zoo. 

When I was growing up indoor play spaces were called something else:  other people's houses.  Today, between most moms working and daycare, Lily and I have made many lasting friendships at play spaces that graduated into play dates.  An Indoor play space is like a mom's MySpace:  you can network with other lonely, desperate women who are dying to speak with someone over 3 years old.  And if you're new to the indoor play space or party gym experience, it won't take you long to get over the whole ball pit phobia thing.  I think all the germs they pick up in the ball pit only make them stronger in the long run.  In fact, when Lily dives into a ball pit now I literally hear that song Stronger by Kanye West in my head. 

CNN reports, “Grandfather high on drugs passes out, smothers grandson.”  BET reports, “Baby found smothered under passed out, drunk mother”.  With headlines like these I think it’s safe to say we’re not heading into a recession more like a depression. What's even more shocking is that Britney Spears isn't even involved either!  I don't feel so guilty anymore about letting Lily watch that SpongeBob marathon the other day.  What the heck is going on?!!  Is getting drunk and then passing out on children becoming a national trend?  Will conservatives now start planting signs along our highways that read: Smothering Stops A Beating Heart?  My husband sends me links to articles like these all day, he's obsessed.  I wish he'd stop and focus more on getting that promotion.

 

Thanks to global warming we don't really get much snow any more in Brooklyn....which makes me want to run out and purchase a few more cans of hairspray because I find snow to be a major inconvenience in daily city living.  However, we do enjoy our winter sports as a family.  Here's a few pics of how we kept Lily busy over the winter break from school:

 

 

There are many firsts in life - first bike, first love, first husband.  In fact there's a new Off Broadway play dedicated to that theme entitled, MY FIRST TIME THE PLAY.  But that's not exactly what I'm talking about. 

Lily had her first haircut two weeks ago just in time for Chinese New Year.  I waited till she turned five before I let any scissors dare touch her head....as is family tradition with girls.  They only took two inches off the bottom but the change is dramatic: no more split ends! 

She loved having her hair professionally washed and her neck massaged at our local hair salon. She told the shampoo girl, "That's niiiiice, more please."

We had a fun time getting our hair cuts together but it made me verklempt.  My baby is growing up and this is yet one of many milestones she'll be trodding upon the pathway of life.  Hopefully, this will be the first of many 'dual' haircuts. 

Maybe it's just me but perhaps Lily has a vision problem?  Maybe that's why she needs extra help in school?.......ha ha

A friend of mine who happens to be a graduate student, needs to place her toddler in day care.  She was pleased when her son became eligible to attend the daycare center at the University.  The director of the day care gave her a tour of the facilities.  To assure herself of the center's high standards, my friend asked about the curriculum.

"Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh."  Brilliant.  I know.....curriculum?  She had that one coming.  Her son is 2 by the way.

Her son's been fortunate (rather she's been fortunate) to have been home with mom for the first two years of his life.  However, like with most working families today, child care has become an issue.  She's not one of the lucky ones with extended family that can help either.  I think Day Care can be great because they learn socialization skills, have fun and it prepares them for being in school.  It's wonderful to be at home with an aunt or a trusted babysitter but the group experience can be priceless.....actually, it's very price-y.  I think Day Care is an appropriate name for it because one has to work all day to pay for it. 

It's a tough choice but one many women have had to make.  Which do you prefer:  day care or babysitter? 

My mother used to say to me when I complained about my homework that, "Homework never killed anybody."  To which I always replied, "Yes, but I don't want to be the first."

Lily, our five year old, is in Kindergarten and she gets about 45 minutes to one hour worth of homework every day.  It's insane.  And on top of that, she has a spelling test every Friday!  Our first grade friend Imelia gets about 90 minutes of homework a day and is assigned the most complex, intricate, advanced projects which her full-time working mother (a teacher as well!)  usually winds up completing because they're just too difficult.  Come on people.  It doesn't matter how much information is shoved down our kids' throats, SAT scores have steadily been decreasing ever since the 80's.  So guess what?!  The endless hours of homework and the ridiculous expectations placed on our children are obviously not working.  I'm not a slacker mom either I'm a realistic mom.

That's what my friend Liz refers to Valentines Day as.  After 20 years of marriage and several children later, apparently the magic is gone.  It's a lot of pressure on married people to have be all romantic on a Thursday in February.  I feel really sorry for the single people.  I have a friend who is single and has roses delivered to herself at her office every Valentines with a really sexy note.  Brilliant! 

I have to say, ever since Lily has come into our lives Valentines has been even better.  She makes us these lovely cards that have "I love you mom" written all over them...so of course I'm happy.  I bought some cute little one-bite cupcakes for her to take to class so she was just thrilled this morning.  She insisted on carrying them herself.  She slipped twice on the ice with them but fortunately they're okay (so is she).  It was a drama free morning because of those cupcakes!  I think I'll be buying her cupcakes every day from now on.

My husband and I started dating the week before Valentines.  Talk about pressure.  He gave me a card that had a picture of a camera on it with the caption, "Happy Valentines....let's see what develops."  Very noncomittal.  We laugh about it to this day......18 years later.

What did your kids make for you this Valentines?

Is it just me?......No......it couldn't be.  Everywhere I turn, people are snapping at each other and being generally hostile.  Is it the weather?  I've met many people named either May, June or August in my life but never a February.  If there was a girl named February she'd be short, cold and bitter.  There's nothing like three straight days of single digit temps to make one swear at complete strangers on the street, "It's f**king cold out here!"  Why do people do that?  We know it's cold.  Stop it.

Is it the economy?  My husband just survived (I'm thanking god as I'm writing this) another round of lay-offs at his firm that are a direct result of the bleak mortgage market.  I have a theory about why everyone is so angry now.  We're all getting daily, hopeful glimpses of our potential presidential candidates when we still have 9 months left with our first husband.  Seriously, President Bushs' presidency seems to be lingering on like a bad marriage......he just won't leave, there's no money left and he started all this trouble with the neighbors (Iraq)....it's just awful.

Today in Brooklyn, our local children's librarian yelled at me for trying to sign out THE CHILDREN'S BOOK OF POETRY from the reference section.  I forgot!  I didn't mean it really but she acted like I did it deliberately.  Goodness.  She should be happy I'm trying to take out any books for god's sake.  It's not like there's a kids reading epidemic out there.  Hasn't she read the papers lately?  (No because they're probably in reference and no one is allowed to touch them!)  Kids are failing school all over the place.  Despite rigorous curriculums, standardized test scores have been steadily decreasing since the 70's.  It appears her RIF program has not been introduced to the SAT program.   Jeesh.

Got any frantic February moments to share?  Do tell, we could all use a laugh.

Now this is a Barbie I'd love to see though I'm sure it would be recalled in a heart beat.  The toy manufacturers would have to come up with some excuse like it was carrying Bird Flu or some other deadly thing from China when the religious right catches wind:  can't have an unmarried pregnant doll out there! 

Is Barbie married?  I could never quite figure that out.  Does Ken have commitment issues?  Is he a eunuch?  This is the Barbie that can rival those Bratz dolls.   This Barbie would definitely be for the Hillary/Barack ticket - she better, she's going to need the free medical care.

I've heard the jokes over the years that Barbie would have to be like seven foot tall to support her stats:  38-28-36.  We've all heard about her alleged Bulemia what I could never figure out is how she gets those tiny little plastic fingers down her throat.

Which do you prefer Barbie or the Bratz?

At a recent parent teacher conference, I was advised that Lily is having trouble paying attention in school because she is literally falling asleep at her desk.  She is not participating in story time nor does she respond when called upon.  Her comatose state is really affecting her performance in school.  Even though we make sure she eats breakfast the foods she was consuming in the morning were Cheerios and toast - carbs.  Sometimes, I give her fruit but she likes her carbs.  Eggs are out of the question because like her father, she's literally skeeved by them.  She eats PB&J for lunch and fruit so she does eat well.

I was advised by a nutritionist to modify her diet in the morning:  give her more protein and to get her on fish oil capsules.  She's been eating these great apple/chicken sausages with fresh strawberries washed down with a protein shake for two weeks in the am.  If it doesn't have a face Lily isn't eating it.  She gets her fish oils before she goes to bed. 

Today, I received the second of two congratulatory phone calls from her teaching team this week.  Her O.T. said that Lily has literally come out of her fog and is paying attention, focusing, participating and that even her voice is louder now (I give 'em two days before they start complaining about that).  Her teachers and her principal are saying that Lily's awakening is quite phenomenal.

Larry and I couldn't be more thrilled.  It's lovely to get positive feedback from our child's teachers for a change.  I can get used to this.  What nutritional changes have you made to your kid's diet that has affected their behavior positively? 

That's right!  You heard me.  The children's menus at restaurants are always full of crap:  hot dogs; hamburgers; french fries; chicken fingers (I've yet to meet a chicken with hands); etc.... Nothing but fried foods and carb filled pasta.  A truly unhappy meal.  And they wonder why our children are suffering from obesity in record numbers!  Why not just have smaller portions of the healthier foods on the adult menus:  like pint size baked chicken breast; or salmon; or something like that?!  Believe it or not kids like good food too.

I was raised on the four basic English food groups:  sugar, grease, alcohol and salt.  However, we know better now.  Who started this ridiculous trend of offering only crappy, tasteless, fried foods to children?  Are restaurants trying to compete with McDonalds?  If I wanted my kid to eat fast food I would go to a fast food chain....and I'd pay a lot less too.

I tend to share my food with Lily.  I'm famous for ordering an extra clean plate for her.  I've had waitresses make comments to the effect that I'm cheap for doing this.  I'm not trying to save money just her arteries.  

What do you do?  When you go out to eat do you order for your kids from the adult menu or the children's side?