When we were growing up my parents never had enough time nor money to spoil us.  They were so busy just making ends meet that if we didn't like what was on our plate for dinner there were no 'other options' (like "...don't worry, I went to Costco I've got extra grilled chicken in the fridge..."), if we cried because we didn't want to go to bed we got spanked.  There was no negotiating with those two.  But when it comes to their grandchildren, my parents completely indulge them....as it should be.  Consider the photo to your right exhibit A. 

Lily asked for an ice cream yesterday and my mother spent 10 extra minutes cutting up enough strawberries and Hershey's kisses to make a 'Rooster' cone for her.  This is coming from the same woman who said phrases to us like, "I'll knock you into next week."  Go figure.

Do your parents spoil your children? Tell us how.

I love a parade.  I know it sounds hoaky but I don't care.  I especially love small town parades.  I love all the fan fare associated with the local rotary club, the local Kiwanis organization, the blue haired old ladies marching for the local 'historical society' (I particularly love their historically accurate costumes combined with their Easy Spirit flats), the drum majorettes, the firemen, and most importantly, the Veterans of Foreign Wars who are finally getting the respect they deserve.  This past Memorial Day weekend was perfect weatherwise.  In fact, it's the first Memorial Day in five years (I know, I've been keeping track) since Lily was born that it wasn't raining or bloody freezing so we made sure to attend several parades and they did not disappoint.  Here are some pics:

Between Brittney, Lindsay and Miley, I think it's quite clear that children and show business are a toxic (in some cases lethal) combination.  Brittney and Lindsay are now adults and quite dysfunctional too thank you very much.  During the time Brittney was bald and beating up paparazzi with umbrellas all I could think was, "Where is this poor girls mother?"  

Birttney and Lindsay have been working full time since they were children and with their parents acting as their managers and I'm sure drawing a salary from their children's earnings based on that title.  If that's not a conflict of interest I don't know what is.  Some may argue that we don't know the details of their 'financial relationships' but I think we can easily see that Dinah Lohan now has her own reality show based on the fact that her child is a talented star.....not her.  If she wasn't the mother of Lindsay I think it's safe to say she'd make a fabulous nail technician and town gossip back on Long Island.

I don't think so but so many parents of Lily's male classmates seem to differ.  I think both sexes pose their own difficulties at different ages.  I have witnessed boys in the playground after school fighting more often and more seriously than the girls (literally pummeling each other) but I've also known girls who can hold a grudge for months over the slightest infraction (MY NIECE) or parents of teenage girls worrying about the very real threat of teen pregnancy (my neighbors).  Our niece, Emma, didn't talk to another girl in her class for 6 months because the little girl farted next to her.  Emma claimed she did it deliberately.  Can you imagine?!   

For years I've been telling Lily not to write on the walls only to have our contractor, Bob the Builder, do the opposite.  I tried explaining this one but she wasn't buying it.  She told him he was naughty and that if he did it again he'd get a time out or that she'd take away his favorite video.  You go girl.

In an effort to sell our triplex in Brooklyn, we're currently updating the walls and electrical fixtures.  We're into our second week of construction already, it's Tuesday morning 9:07am - none of the workmen are here yet and I'm ready to rip my eyes out.  And yes, my contractor is named Bob.  Every time he walks in the door I find myself humming that theme song.

Here are some pix of how it looks at the moment (I keep telling myself it's going to be fabulous when it's all finished):

Isn't this the cutest?  Seeing this piglet nuzzled so peacefully against his mama in sweet slumber almost makes me forget how much I love bacon. 

This mama piggie had 8 piglets in her litter!  Unlike any of those crazy, kid-filled families on the Discovery Channel though no one is offering her her own show.....at least that we know of.  But who knows?  With the trend being tasteless, trashy peeps on all those reality shows (Flavor Of Love, Real Housewives of New York City, etc.) these pigs might be the cleanest thing out there.

Yes, no, maybe, sometimes but not always. Put it this way, my 'balancing act' is constantly shifting to accomodate daily life.  I gotta tell ya, as a working mother, I'm so sick and tired of people constantly telling me how easy it is to balance career and family.  Personally, I have found that the key to having a career and family is constant negotiation and adjusting one's goals to reality (and a great babysitter).  I call it, living a life of lowered expectations.  I'm sure someone is going to read this and say, you're wrong, it's easy and that they've got it all down.  Good.  Good for them.  Recently, I read an article on AOL that offered the latest input on the four (overly simplified) simple steps to balancing career and family.   Here they are: 

1. Incorporate telecommuting into your workday.

Many companies allow their employees to work from home one or more days per week, which is an easy way for you to spend more time in the morning and afternoon with your children rather than in standstill traffic. Check with your human resources department and employee manual to see if telecommuting is an option. Of course, to telecommute you should be self-disciplined and able to get your work done even though the boss isn't leaning over your shoulder.

-- Have these people actually tried working at home??  It ain't easy.  I'm a professional writer and I do most of my writing in the wee hours of the night when everyone's asleep.  (There goes my sleep and my sex life - good thing I don't work in an office or I'd be exhausted, frustrated and snapping at everyone all day.)  Have you ever tried talking on the phone when your kids are around?  If you think that's hard try creating a presentation with them in the next room.  Good luck with all of that.

OMG!  This is by far the worst news story I've heard this morning.  Forget the collapse of the housing market and Hillary's delegate count......a 3 year old hasn't slept since birth.  Kill me already.  And I complain because Lily hasn't napped since she was 18 months old?  I'm starting to feel guilty.  God help those parents.  I recommend Benadryl.  Benadryl is like Cialis for parents.  Millions of kids in this country think they have allergies.  No way baby.  Your parents just need you to sleep.  (Turns out this child actually has a neurological problem, see the link above.)

Does your kid sleep?  Did you have a baby that just didn't need sleep?  Go ahead brag if you must.  I love hearing about children who actually sleep.

Mother's Day is fast approaching and this year, I'm begging my husband for the ultimate gift and it doesn't cost a thing:  time.  Time with my family.  Not even time alone.  I just want him to pack a picnic lunch and go to the park with our daughter and play and have fun.  I say this not to be melodramatic nor because I'm trying to be one of those self sacrificing, "super moms".  I say this because I've just given up on getting any really decent gifts for Mother's Day.  Let's just say that over the five short years I've been a mom, I've received some of the most horrible gifts on Mother's Day.  See below:

 

My father actually thought this was a cute idea.  Because I like gardening so much why wouldn't I appreciate a garden gnome that flashes my neighbors??  The kids think it's a riot.  Over the years they've written various things on the tush like:  blow me; suck it; go ahead I'm easy.  Delightful.  Just what I want in my front garden.  We live in the city garden gnomes just don't work here.  Finally, over the winter break this year, somebody smashed it.  Aaawww.  What a shame.  Not. 

That's right, I love my friends but they're expensive.  We just attended our third confirmation party this year and it's only May.  We love the parties, we love being included in the guest list, we love seeing our friends and better yet partying with them but for the love of god, I hope they don't have any more children.

I don't know where you live but here in NY (and NJ) for that matter, family celebrations are huge, expensive events.  I have a friend in Kansas City whose daughter's confirmation barbecue was held in their back yard and attended by only 20 people - and that was enough.  Here, confirmations, communions, sweet sixteens all rival weddings.  Between ordering invitations, planning the menu, buying the dress, I look at these parties as Weddings 101 for parents because they seem to be practising for the big day.

Celebrate Mother's Day Weekend with MAMA'S NIGHT OUT. 

Just wanted to let you know that the hilarious comedy show (if I do say so myself) MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is coming to the Avalon Theatre, Easton, MD this Friday for a special Mother's Day weekend show.  See here for more details. 

MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is comedy by mothers for everyone.

Yeah he looks like he really has the situation under control.  This is what happens when dads bring their kids to the park - bedlam.  Who says dads are stricter than moms?

Now you know children are just like monkeys right?:  climbing; swinging in trees; recking your home.  Here's a photo of Lily and her buddies doing what they do best: monkeying around in our tree.

Watch out Jonas Brothers here come the Brooklyn Baboons.